Today is the day and therefore last night I did not sleep much at all.

I had myself so worked up anticipating the worst, I’m sure my blood pressure had skyrocketed. I could hear my heart pounding and soon I left our bed and moved to the living room so my floundering wouldn’t wake up Dave.

Once I finally read enough and watched videos enough that I felt sleepy again, I tried to get comfortable. It’s impossible on this couch for one thing, especially when the small of your back feels like it’s on fire.

I might have drifted off then while chanting to myself, Let go and let God over and over but then a new

nightmare started. Tics, taps, knocks, and pops were going on at the windows and what seemed to be under the sink. I knew nothing could be in there, but after an hour of my mind working overdrive as the noises sometimes got so loud my heart was pounding anew, I got up and shone a flashlight in there to ease my mind.

It

sounded after that like kids were throwing pebbles at our window. I forgot about the awning strap that hits the window in the wind, but this was all before the windy conditions started. I even got up and looked out the window! I can understand now that it could have been the strap, but what about all the noises under the sink?

Finally, I made myself relax, one muscle at a time starting with my facial muscles like my old therapist taught me, and just as I was drifting off, my Brandy starts scratching at the door from the bedroom to the living room. We close it off at night to reduce the light coming in. I ignored her, because I’d already let her in twice and she went right back to the bedroom.

I must have fallen into a light sleep when my husband opens the door and asks me if I want to get back in bed. It was all I could do not to snarl at him when I said no, I had just gotten comfortable enough to fall asleep around 4am. He said sorry and left but came back about two hours later.

By then I was ready and knowing it was hopeless in the dawning light, I crawled back into bed. I might have slept an hour before I heard the dog that starts barking every single morning at the nearby dog park. The man just sits on the bench, smoking his pipe and lets his dog bark his fool head off. When I’m better, I’m going to have words with that ——!!! Sorry, but how rude can you be?

How does he not know people are trying to sleep? So it was 7am. How does he not think someone might have had a difficult, pain filled, anxiety-ridden night of no sleep? He’s lucky I’m hobbled right now. We would have had a nasty encounter this morning!!

The time to go is getting closer. I googled the procedure to get peace of mind that meds they will be injecting into my spine, or the fluid near my spine or wherever the heck they put it will not make me have an allergic reaction like the epidural did when I had Chris. Yes, he was supposed to be delivered C-section, but I went into labor on the table. What I endured after that is a tale for another day, lets just say it was BAD!!

Please pray that does not happen again. I’d rather pass out from pain relief than have that nightmare all over again.

PS-what I googled did not say the medication used, just that it was a pain numbing type.