Well, “mother” is the word of the day but it drags up so many conflicting thoughts.

I am a mother but I don’t know if I was a good one. I have three boys that all have different traits and personalities. One lives close to me, my youngest-Chris. He is smart, good looking, and a hard worker. He and I are very close. We communicate well and have fabulous conversations…sometimes he surprises me with his knowledge and insight. He’s a born comedian, regaling us often with stories about things that happen on the job or in his personal life. I remember how hard his birth was, I went into labor on the table as they were getting me ready for my third cesarean. I had an allergic reaction to whatever they put in my epidural, so I didn’t even get to see him for almost a week. When I finally did, I was amazed at his hair! He had the most hair of all three, explain why I had such heartburn with him. He was also the longest. I think his toes were hooked in my ribs, and the doctor had to straddle me and pull him out with forceps during my cesarean! He didn’t not want to come out of the safety and comfort of my womb! Maybe that’s why we are so close. He has dark hair and striking blue eyes. Must have come from David’s granny, because David and Joshua both have hazel eyes and mine are brown.

My son Sean is my oldest, but was not raised by me. My mother and dad raised him. That’s a long story that some of you may know, others maybe not. It was not my choice, but it was my doing. I remember when he was born at Carswell AFB I cried at how much he looked like me. I wish we had a better relationship, but we didn’t bond like me and my other sons did because my mom stole that from me. I was home with him and my parents for the first six weeks after he was born, but many of the duties I should have been performing, she kind of just took over. It made me feel incompetent and unworthy as a mother and many times I tried to show her I was ready to take care of him on my own, but that was not to be. When David married me, we had to decide whether to take her to court or leave well enough alone. So he stayed with them. He comes for Sunday dinner when he can and we are working to have a better relationship. He is about my height, dark skinned and dark haired with brown eyes. You may have seen him at the bottom of the pic of all of us that I posted the other day.

Finally there is Josh. He’s technically the middle child, but in our family hierarchy , he is the oldest. He had a wonderful early life, we doted on him and marveled at his ability to impress our friends with his awesome personality and the funny antics he always pulled. I remember when he was born, I though he had the most beautifully shaped head. I still have one of those school art work projects with a silhouette of his profile. It about killed me when he started messing up his beautiful self with tattoos and piercings. He is still good looking though, he is blond and tans well-he used to, I think that fades over time. He is short also, but taller than me.

So that’s it, without too much detail you know a few things about my three sons. I’ve lost my own mother, and my mother-in-law. So Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me. I miss my moms, so I have no one to buy for anymore. Not that my mom made the job easy, she was very hard to buy for. My boys never seem to have money for Mother’s day, but every once in a while, I’ll get a card or a gift. Many times I’ve gotten only a phone call and that is fine with me. At least they acknowledged the day. I used to get hurt feelings about it, but really, I don’t need them to spend money they don’t have on me. It’s the thought that counts, right?

Actually, I feel lucky that I do get a phone call because each of them are busy in their own ways, and two of them kind of live in their own little world. Whether they feel obligated or they really remember, or do it because they love me is a mystery.