Uncategorized, Writing

While I’m Away

*This post may contain affiliate links, meaning, if you click on one, I may make a small commission.

 

Good morning everyone and how are you on this warm Monday morning?

I have been doing a lot of thinking and that always leads to trouble with me, lol! However, that just means this time that I have a ton of things on my mind and in the works.

I have been retaking my affiliate marketing course (Making Sense of Affiliate Marketing) and that means I may not be writing here as much if I devote more time to my other blog Keto For Beginners.

As I learned, you can’t just slap a bunch of links on your blog and hope that gets results. I failed miserably. So, back to the drawing board! If you would like to learn how to monetize your blogs, click on the Making Sense of Affiliate Marketing link above.

 

While I’m away, I would like to leave you with some pieces I previously wrote on Medium, one at a time. I want to revise them but first I want you to read the original and provide feedback. That way, I know what gaps to fill in, or modifications to make, etc.

I so appreciate you, my readers/followers helping me out in advance. It means I will be super busy, yet hopefully all my hard work will PAY off.

The first story I want you all to read is a bit of a dark humor piece, let me know what you think and please give it an honest critique. It’s called Toasted, hope you enjoy it!

 

Toasted

Sally Ann had just started a new diet. It was one of those caveman, back-to-basics kind of things and the one thing she knew she was gonna miss was bread. Bread was her nemesis. Preferably toasted bread. Ahhhh, yes, just the thought of an egg bagel with perfectly crisped edges, slathered in cream cheese was enough to send her right over the edge. Her dilemma had always been which appliance worked best, a traditional toaster (which admittedly had its limitations), or a toaster oven, the kind her brother Bruce favored. He always said they were better because of the versatility. Why, you could not only toast but cook in those babies! Of course none of that mattered anymore since she was off the bread…forever.
Pinterest was one of Sally Ann’s favorite places to find recipes, DIY projects, and menu plans, even though it was a huge time suck, kinda like Facebook and other forms of social media. She thought of it sorta like a to-do list and had herself quite the page going on. In fact, she had lost count of all the boards and various pins she had on her page, but one was especially for her new diet. A place to be able to refer to when she needed a step-by-step guide, or a uTube video, and the meal plans to keep her on track.
It was while perusing this board her second week on the diet that she came across a recipe for pancakes that were “legal” on her particular diet plan. “Eureka” Sally Ann screamed, “Mama needs a carb!!” So after reading the recipe to make sure she could indeed eat this sinful sounding concoction and then checking her refrigerator and cabinets for all the necessary ingredients, Sally Ann went to work creating the breakfast of her dreams. The best part, she would be able to enjoy one that day, then freeze the rest for quick pop-in-the-toaster meals later in the week!
Sally made and devoured her beloved blueberry pancake, made with almond and coconut flours, blueberries and eggs, and 100% maple syrup and thought she had died and gone to Heaven. After her satisfying meal, she carefully stacked the remaining tasty cakes into a gallon freezer bag and popped them in the drawer under her refrigerator. Immediately, Sally Ann thought of her next meal of pancakes, heated up in the toaster oven her husband Danny convinced her to buy. She had relented, knowing that he could still eat bread, and heat up pizza, it couldn’t always be about her anyway. However, now she had also found a good use for it and dreamed of the next time she could enjoy this delicious meal. She was still thinking about how lucky she was to have found them as her head hit the pillow later that night.
A few mundane breakfasts later, a boiled egg and a slice of avocado on this day and some scrambled eggs and bacon the next, Sally Ann decided it was time for the tasty kind of carbs again and reached in the freezer for her pancakes. She could not wait for them to be hot on her plate, drenched in butter and maple syrup (ok, maybe not drenched) and rushed to stick one in the old Hamilton Beach. There seemed to be a problem however, the toaster oven would not even come on. She checked all the settings, made sure it was plugged in and wrung her hands in disbelief. How was she going to eat it now? The microwave will make it soggy, and it won’t fit in the traditional toaster…or will it, she thought?
The next thing she knew she was standing impatiently at the counter, plate at the ready, butter and maple syrup next to her plate, tapping her fork on the counter like a bratty three-year-old whining for his ice cream cone. Impulsively, she reached for the side lever to pop up the pancake and check for doneness, but it was too soon and the cake broke it half, part of it falling down into the bottom of the toaster. Beside herself now with imagined starvation, she grabbed her butter knife and made the horrible decision to pry the other, more done half of the cake out of the slot. Unbelievably, she forgot to unplug the appliance first, her knife accidently touching the heating element inside the toaster and she flew across the kitchen, struck her head on the dining table and was later found by Danny that evening when he came home from work. He knew these starvation diets were going to be the death of his wife someday, but he never thought it would end like this.
Why hadn’t she used the toaster oven for that, he wondered after he investigated the kitchen later on. He discovered the malfunction and at once understood, Sally Ann was cheating in a way, trying to have her “cake” and eat it too. She knew her body was better off without those kind of carbs but she was always trying to find a way to “cheat” legally and now it had done her in. He looked down at her face, burnt from the current passing through her body, her neck laying at such an odd angle and thought, “For the love of God, why didn’t you just make yourself a waffle?”

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