I can’t Kid Myself

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “kid.’” Use it as a noun, use it as a verb; use it way you’d like. Have fun!

I’m sometimes plagued by the idea that I was not a good parent. Maybe all parents feel this way but when your kids are struggling late in life, you can’t help but look back on what you did wrong in raising them.

We thought we were doing our best but we should never have let them see us drinking and smoking. Now two of them can’t or don’t want to quit and all three have a drinking problem.

One of my kids recently had a bad scare yet now that he’s feeling better, he’s back to it but maybe not as much.

Another got a DUI at the beginning of the year he is still paying for in many ways. You know how tough they are in Texas. He had to have the breath thing on his car, go to his probation meetings, court etc. All that takes time and of course money, cause that’s what it’s all about, not rehabilitation. It’s just another revenue stream for the state.

He’s already been to rehab (for something else-not drinking) when he was much, much younger and he came out of it smoking. When he went in he wasn’t doing that yet. 😡

Anyway, I digress. That’s just part of what we did wrong as parents. We should have been way more attentive but we were both working full-time jobs. It’s no excuse, I still should have given them more attention. We missed things.

My biggest regret though is not having them go to church. We should have all gone as a family. I know what people say, preachers kids are the worst, but that’s not always true either. Of course, we were young parents mostly focused on ourselves and our careers. Looking back after 40 years my insight is skewed compared to my way of thinking way back then.

When you’re a kid having kids, you kind of grow up together. I know 25 doesn’t sound like a kid but now that I’m 65 if does. 😂