My dad Gus
Most of you who follow my blog know that I struggle with feelings of guilt and worry about my dad and whether he is lonely all the time, so it won’t surprise you to learn that I have decided to solve this problem by spending even more time with him lately, which means my work at home is starting to suffer.
It’s ok, I mean, I am not earning any money from my writing anyway, hard as I have tried. I get no real validation from anyone other than my blogger friends and a few people on Medium that my writing is helpful or having an impact on anyone other than myself. I share it with others hoping to make a difference, yet I still feel like if I were not writing, no one would miss me or care that much.
I’m not fishing for comments or compliments here, just being real. The truth is, I can’t bear to think of my dad being alone or feeling lonely, so this week I have visited with him five or six hours a day three days so I can come home at night and know he feels better having had the company. Sean (my oldest son who lives with him) gets home from work around five or six, so I know he’s ok at night. Yes, he has his life alert button, but that is for an emergency, it does give him peace of mind (and me) but it does not combat loneliness.
Honestly, during this pandemic, Dad has become my bff because other than my husband, he is the only other person I’ve spent quality time with. We take care of small household chores, play some pool, watch tv, and play Words With Friends together. I fix his lunch, and go to the store for him, take him to his dr. appointments and more. The only other solution that I can think of is to have him move in with us, and I don’t think he is ready for that.
He may be 85 and suffering from Parkinson’s disease, but he is very much alive and feeling well, despite all the meds he has to take to accomplish that. His health is otherwise pretty normal, although he has a cardiac condition and elevated blood pressure, his shoulders are frozen, and that limits his movements. His severe tremor makes doing anything challenging. He needs help, and I am available so for me, this is the best solution. All of this to say, yes I worry about the virus, but it won’t stop me from being there for him. He was always there for me, my mom, and the kids. It’s my turn to give back.
Loneliness kills too. It kills the spirit, the self esteem, and the self worth. I refuse to let that happen to Dad. So, if I have to schedule my writing for earlier or later, whatever it takes, that’s what I’ll do. If I have to take a break from it for a while, it will still be here when I’m ready.
The prompt word for today also made me think of this song: