I am having a hard time sharing this post, but you all have followed our journey, so I need to share the news, although its with a heavy heart to do so.
Micheal, at the home where my dad was, finally tried a narcotic (Tylenol 3) to help him sleep on Sunday night. He stated that he got up early after about five hours of sleep, then they took a walk, with assistance, of course, and he had some coffee and they watched a little bit of news. I may have the order of these things wrong, but it’s inconsequential. Anyway, Monday night, he didn’t want to eat, so they asked him if he wanted a protein shake and he said not yet, so they put him in his recliner. He pulled his blanket up to his chin, and leaned over and nodded off. The aid went to help someone else and when she came back to check on Dad, he had stopped breathing. They called 911, then called me, but by the time we got there, it was all over and he was gone.
Everyone says to not feel guilty, but it breaks my heart that he died among strangers instead of his family. I was there almost every day, but they said coming too much was too hard on him, so i had skipped a day. Maybe he wanted it that way. Maybe he knew it would be too hard on me (us), but I would have been more at peace in my heart had we been there to hold his hand. i guess guilt is my cross to bear in this life. I will have to get to Heaven myself to know the answers I seek.
God is in control, I have to keep saying it over and over because if I don’t, I will go mad. And, although I felt good about where he was, when someone dies, you naturally feel anger and suspicious. Was he really being taken care of? I have so many questions, but my cousin told me when those thoughts come to my head, I must shut them down, or I will go into a deep, dark hole I can never climb out of. I have to move on, because he is at peace at last, and that is what is important. There will be a service at his church in due time, and he will then be interred at DFW National Cemetery alongside my my mother’s ashes. There will be a small service there too, since he was a veteran.
What is it with my family members choosing the holidays to go to their final resting place. So many do. I am grateful he is no longer suffering and that I will have my closest family around me for Thanksgiving. We will grieve together and then we will celebrate his life and somehow move on with ours. The other tragedy is that Connie, my sister-in-law lost her mom the same day I lost my dad, but she went to heaven that morning. So she and Bubba will be in Idaho for Thanksgiving. David and I will host my kids, my brother, and Bubba’s son Stephen and his fiance Kacee.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I appreciate all your prayers and concern through this journey. 🙏💕