Writing Prompts

#JusJoJan & WOD Challenge 1-30-22 Unprepared

Your prompt for JusJoJan January 30th, 2022, is “prepare.” Use the word “prepare” any way you’d like. Enjoy!

You know, as long as I had been taking care of Dad, and before, when I was just spending more time with him, I thought I was mentally prepared for his eventual passing.

Dad and I at a movie 2020

I could not have been more wrong. When the news came, I was home and he was in what was supposed to be his forever home…the best place we had been trying to get him to for so long. I was unprepared for that phone call. To make matters worse, I thought there was a chance he might not have passed away because the owner said he stopped breathing, and the paramedics were there and were going to perform CPR.

I won’t rehash the event, but suffice it to say, my heart was ripped out and I was wracked with guilt. I wasn’t there. I didn’t get to say goodbye. He should have had more time. All of those things and more tormented my mind and sometimes still do. I was in shock. Even Micheal, the owner said he thought they would enjoy many years together. He was visibly shaken.

The point is, I knew he was old, sick, and recovering from 4 broken ribs still. He barely ate once he got to the rehab. The situation was going downhill. I should not have been surprised, my heart was what was unprepared. I tried to rationalize the fact that when he was here, before the fall, we had been doing good. In reality, I knew he would need to go somewhere soon and we were already looking for the best option. Unfortunately, after the fall, things snowballed. We went from the hospital to a rehab, to a week long stay at a skilled nursing facility, to Micheals group home, all in a matter of weeks, all while dealing with lawyers, and consultants on where the best place for Dad would be.

The majority of cases like this turn out this way, yet I still tried to convince myself that had he stayed with me, or had I done a better job somehow, we would have had more time. Maybe he was preparing me for the fact that he was tired of this world and ready to go. I don’t know. When he was here, before the fall, he worked hard at his pt therapy. He wanted to get stronger and more self reliant. After the fall, he worked hard, but I think he knew he was never coming home. I think he started giving up then.

Ok, I said I wasn’t going to rehash, and still did. I am still trying to work it all out in my head. I wish I would have appreciated more the time we had together. I wish I would have asked all the important questions about his life, his history. Now I have no one TO ask, they are all gone. So, I was unprepared in that way as well.

Love and appreciate the ones you’ve got. Know them! It makes a difference when they are gone. Prepare yourself for the day they will pass, but love them and appreciate them while they are here. ❤️

Word of the Day Challenge

10 thoughts on “#JusJoJan & WOD Challenge 1-30-22 Unprepared

  1. I do not know of anyone who is “prepared” for the time of when their loved ones pass. It was gods decision to bring him home. It had nothing to do with you, and the amount of care that you provided for him. We are all here for a purpose, and although it doesn’t seem fair to us why things happen the way they happen that is why we need to trust in God and lean on his understanding not our own! You touched on something at the last paragraph as you talked about spending time with the ones you love now as you never know how much time you could have with them! Something that your dad helped you to realize. I love you bunches, and do not have the answers and never will. But I will always be here even for a listening ear for you! Many hugs and much love! Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. rajkkhoja says:

    Yes, I know how you have think but not possible returned your dad. You pray to God.! it’s to head . Beautiful you share your love for dad. You don’t forget you dad love. You recognize that is steam from something deeper.I will be prayer !🙏

    Liked by 1 person

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